A Pain in the Poo Factory 07 I must have been about four or five years old when my mother took me into a building in Canterbury road, in Canterbury, in the inner-eastern suburbs of Melbourne. It was probably a church hall. It was loud and noisy; steel filing drawers slammed and footsteps and heels […]
The bullet holes
A Pain in the Poo Factory 07 Emma changed my dressings. Considering that in theory I was opened right up, it was unbelievable that there were just four bandages. The largest one was in the middle of my belly near my navel, and the centre of a blaze of colour, like a fiery desert sunset. […]
Code Blue
A Pain in the Poo Factory 06 A smiling Malaysian doctor looked down at me as she adjusted my oxygen mask. “Do you know where you are,” she asked. I was bathed in gentle morning sunshine on a lovely little palm-fringed beach on Xanadu. Olivia Newton-John cradled me in her arms, her eyes brimming with […]
The hook-up
A Pain in the Poo Factory 05 Cathy told me later they wanted to speak to me while I was in recovery. I had appeared lucid, and they’d handed me my cochlear implant, hoping I would put it on. Apparently I’d gazed at it a few moments and flaked out again. That’s when they called […]
And so, the adventure begins
A Pain in the Poo Factory 04 And so, I was told to report to Austin Powers. “Austin Powers?” I was incredulous. “Wasn’t he in The Nurse Who Shagged Me? What’s he doing in Heidelberg? Why do I – ” “Austin Towers,” levelled the receptionist, with the weary resignation of someone who’s heard the same […]
The Oh En Jay
A Pain in the Poo Factory 03 Good news in the Big Adventure #1: I would not need a stoma. A stoma, of course, is not really what they mean in the unpleasant expression, “to tear you a new one”. The cancer site meant they while they would remove a fair section of the bowel, […]
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