A Pain in the Poo Factory 06 A smiling Malaysian doctor looked down at me as she adjusted my oxygen mask. “Do you know where you are,” she asked. I was bathed in gentle morning sunshine on a lovely little palm-fringed beach on Xanadu. Olivia Newton-John cradled me in her arms, her eyes brimming with […]
The hook-up
A Pain in the Poo Factory 05 Cathy told me later they wanted to speak to me while I was in recovery. I had appeared lucid, and they’d handed me my cochlear implant, hoping I would put it on. Apparently I’d gazed at it a few moments and flaked out again. That’s when they called […]
And so, the adventure begins
A Pain in the Poo Factory 04 And so, I was told to report to Austin Powers. “Austin Powers?” I was incredulous. “Wasn’t he in The Nurse Who Shagged Me? What’s he doing in Heidelberg? Why do I – ” “Austin Towers,” levelled the receptionist, with the weary resignation of someone who’s heard the same […]
The Oh En Jay
A Pain in the Poo Factory 03 Good news in the Big Adventure #1: I would not need a stoma. A stoma, of course, is not really what they mean in the unpleasant expression, “to tear you a new one”. The cancer site meant they while they would remove a fair section of the bowel, […]
A surgical model of rectitude
A Pain in the Poo Factory 02 Are colorectal surgeons models of rectitude? The question just begs to be asked. This one was. “You’ve got bowel cancer. Near the appendix, where the small intestine joins the large one. We’ll jump on it quickly. Keyhole surgery is the way to go and we’ll do it in […]
Something Positive Lurks Inside
Some positive news quickly led to the extraordinary experience of a stay in hospital. This blog, A Pain in the Poo Factory, tells the story Santha, my GP in Castlemaine, had some positive news for me. The poo test I’d done was positive. In fact it was so positive that she would book me in for […]
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